Relate – Do I Belong?

Connection Before Correction: Building Belonging in Every Encounter

Belonging is a biological need.

Once a child feels safe, the next question their brain asks is: Do I belong here?

Dr. Perry reminds us that learning and behaviour change are only possible when a child feels connected and seen. Relationship is the gateway to the brain’s emotional and reasoning systems. This means our relational presence – our tone, consistency, empathy, and care – is just as important as any lesson plan.

Small things matter.

• Warm greetings at the door

• Gentle, validating language in moments of struggle

• Regular community-building rituals like circle time or check-ins

These repeated, positive interactions create what Perry calls "therapeutic dosing." Over time, they help rewire the brain for trust and engagement.

Recommended Resource

How to Do Relational and Restorative Check-Ins" by The Restorative Lab – This download outlines simple, research-aligned steps for embedding relational check-ins into your daily or weekly routine. It includes creative prompts, age-appropriate variations, and guidance on making check-ins feel safe and inclusive for all students. Use the code LABFREEBIE to access the guide for free up until 31st May 2025.

Once a child feels safe and connected, their brain becomes ready to reflect—next, we explore how to support meaningful reasoning and repair.