A Neurodevelopmental Approach to Relational Practice

This blog series builds on The Lab's extensive research in relational and restorative practices, wellbeing, peace and conflict studies, and applied research. Drawing on the neurodevelopmental model pioneered by Dr. Bruce Perry, Anna from The Lab explores how safety, connection, reflection, and repair shape our ability to work meaningfully with children and young people.

Have you ever tried to reason with a child during a meltdown? Or expected a student to reflect on their actions while their nervous system is still in fight-or-flight mode? It doesn’t work. Dr. Perry’s research explains why: jumping straight to the reasoning part of the brain is a misfire. We must work through the brain’s stages, not skip ahead.

By applying this brain-based approach to relational and restorative practices in schools, we’ve created a framework that guides our interactions with students during moments of challenge and repair. The core questions we focus on are:

Regulate – Am I safe?

Relate – Do I belong?

Reason – Do I matter?

These questions reflect the deep, subconscious scanning process happening in every child’s brain. They shape how students engage, behave, and, ultimately, repair relationships when things go wrong. By understanding this sequence, we can respond in ways that truly support learning, growth, and restoration.

Over the next month, The Lab will release a series of blog posts, each focusing on one of the R’s. We hope you’ll follow along.